I just got back from two weeks away from my community. And boy were those two weeks transformative in the most healing and grounding ways. I went into the mountains of Santa Fe, Veraguas for a retreat with other Peace Corps volunteers. We had incredibly deep and insightful conversations that have changed my perspectives on life. It’s not easy living here, especially under the circumstances of integrating into a different culture, language, and people. But, talking to other volunteers who just get it makes me feel less alone and a lot more supported.
Before my time away, I was stuck in a big slump. Mentally, I was exhausted and becoming resentful of my experience here. I felt defeated with my ideas and projects I wanted to work on. In early August, My cohort had our mid-service training in Panama City so that was nice to reconnect with friends and staff. We ate great food, walked around, and cherished time together. I was surprised when I felt ready to go back to my rural campo town before the week was over. The city was a nice reset but it didn’t fill up all my cups so I found myself regressing to a negative mindset.
Choosing to take two weeks away to prioritize my wellbeing was the best thing I could’ve done for myself. The retreat in Sante Fe created a great foundation of self-worth and belonging for myself. I used that momentum into my solo trip to Peru.
Visiting Cusco, Peru and, in particular, Machu Picchu has always been a dream of mine. I remember learning about the Incas and how they learned to observe the stars to know when to plant crops or know what time of the year it was. This has fascinated me so much and sparked an interest in astronomy as a little kid. I also like to believe that there is truth in astrology and the stories in the skies. So many civilizations have depended on the stars for direction that there must be something greater out there.
Once I arrived in Cusco, I could feel its energy and magic. A place with so much history, culture, and soul was exactly what I wanted to experience. The whole first year, I told myself that I’d visit Peru after my time in Panama so I could spend more time there; but then I kept thinking and I really wanted to push myself and go on a trip alone. This was my first solo trip abroad and I loved every moment. I enjoyed being on my own schedule; I could spend 20 minutes talking to a local and not worry about stepping on other people’s toes. I walked around the rocky roads admiring street art and the enormous rocks that were carved perfectly to fit together. I also appreciated having to advocate for myself in Spanish and not depend on someone else to speak for me. That was really empowering, to see my Spanish come so far to where I can converse with people comfortably. It made me have such a bigger appreciation for Panama and what I’m doing here.
I spent two days in Cusco walking around, visiting ancient temples, local markets, a planetarium (which was so cool!), and acclimating to the altitude. Then, I went on a five day trek through Salkantay mountain to Machu Picchu. I was definitely nervous during the trip briefing where the guide explained to us each day. I didn’t know how I’d adjust to the altitude, the weather, or getting along with the people in my group. Needless to say, I am so grateful to the people in my group and our guide, Edison. I met the sweetest couple from New Zealand, some funny Germans, and great people from the US. Our group dynamic quickly turned into banter and making jokes at each other in a sibling-like way.
The first day of the trek freaked me out because I couldn’t control my heartrate. I was hiking up and just felt my heart racing out of my chest. My breathing was also short and very frequent. As we reached the lake, I was able to take a longer break to rest and breathe. Once I experienced my heart pounding, I knew I had to go slow and steady. The second day was a lot better on the climbs as I was more comfortable with my heart beating fast and going at a slower pace than I anticipated. The weather was cold at night; I did not sleep much the first night. The accommodations were a lot nicer than I expected. I thought we’d be camping but we ended up staying in small cabins and even a dome for one night.
Five days of hiking filled up my cups so much. I LOVED being outside all day and moving my body. It was so peaceful and grounding for me. I got into a flow and just focused on my next step. I also loved using hiking poles to support my legs and stability. My college friend, Megan, once told me: “hiking without poles is like 2D driving and hiking with poles is like 4D driving.” I could not agree more with that! We ended up visiting a coffee farm, hot spring, and having quite the party bus one night back to the lodging.
The day we went to Machu Picchu, there was a lot of fog. We heard that the people were protesting the tourists and buses would be shut down for the day. So we got up at 3:30am to be the early birds up at the gate. They didn’t let anyone start hiking until 5am so we had to wait but once we started moving, it felt like a dog race up this steep mountain. Talk about VO2 max, I had a clear mission which was to make it up as fast as possible. Turns out the park doesn’t even open until 6am, so all of us are stripping down layers at the entrance of Machu Picchu because we hauled ourselves up so fast thinking we’d be able to enter earlier.
The place itself is incredible. Thinking about engineering and connecting with Pacha Mama (mother earth), I was in awe seeing and learning about the agriculture, temples, structures, and cultural values. I could feel the energy of such a sacred place.
Now having returned to my community in Panama, I feel a lot lighter with myself. I realized that I had a negative and scarcity mindset before. I was seeing all the bad in where I was. Now, I want to focus more on the abundance here and build more community. My goal is to have more fun in my community and I’m at a point where I’m becoming more comfortable with myself in this foreign culture. I don’t agree with everything nor am I ok with everything, but I can make adjustments to take care of myself.