We are in the thick of Panamanian celebrations; the 3rd, 4th, 5th of November are national holidays that celebrate the independence from Colombia, national symbols (el escudo, el himno nacional, y la bandera), and the separation day from Colombia in the province of Colón. This coming Monday, the 10th, is also a celebration of the first cry of independence in Los Santos and then the 28th of November celebrates the independence day from Spain.
Last year, the festivities in early November were cancelled due to too much rain. So, I was excited to celebrate the días de patrias en my town with the school. Many people wear tipíco clothing which can be in the form of a pollera (a very elegant top and skirt) with tembleques (beautiful head pieces made out of beads or fish scales). I bought an embroidered shirt in Davíd and wore a tipíco sombrero that was made in the province of Coclé. It’s fun to see the pride people have in celebrating the independence of Panamá.
The 18th of October is the founding date of the district I live in so I was able to celebrate with friends at a bull riding event. In the morning of the 18th, I was in Davíd to watch a parade of 1,000 naguas which are the traditional dresses that the Ngäbe-Buglé women wear. It was so colorful to see the different nagua designs and honor the customs of the indigenous comarca. I see and hear a lot of racist remarks towards indigenous people in my town. There is a substantial presence of indigenous students in the school. I do my best to be aware of the challenges they have with less resources and sometimes having more responsibilities such as working in farms at a young age. The students here are the real heroes in my opinion. I see so many obstacles up against them - social, physical, and mental. When I see students participating in school activities such as public speaking or explaining a math concept to their classmates, I see that they have a true champion mindset; they will find ways to learn and take advantage of the opportunities presented to them.
Year two is such a night and day difference. I remember crying a lot last year, missing my family and not understanding where things were going. I still don’t know where my service is going but I have a much better grasp of Panamanian culture. I’ve learned how to maintain my inner peace within a foreign culture. It for sure has not been easy but I’m learning so much about the intersection of people, language, culture, and how I fit or don’t fit into places. This experience has made me confront every part of my identity for better or worse. I have a lot of internal struggles here: navigating being a woman here, living with a host family, learning the language, finding the in betweens are all parts of the journey. There is no end goal, but rather a sense of ownership to the lifestyle I’m creating here.
There are days where I feel defeated. I recently just found out that the natural science teacher that I’m planning a project with might not be returning next year. I have been stressing out a lot but I know the next steps I need to do; I need to talk with other teachers to see if they’d be interested in helping me. My goal since the end of August has been to see the abundance here. I often find myself getting caught in a spiral of negative thinking and forget to see how much good there is. So, yes there are days where I want to throw it all in and go home but there are also days where I see so much joy in people and see that there is no right way to live.
