A lot has happened in the past month for the good and the bad. The best was being able to visit home in Colorado. I got to hike, bike, practice yoga, be outside, and enjoy time with loved ones. I was able to visit my aunt and uncle in Evergreen; their house is so relaxing that we always end up taking naps because it’s so peaceful. I got to eat really good food; bagels, sushi, and Sherpa’s were my biggest cravings.
Coming back to Panama was really hard. I cried a lot leaving Colorado and when I landed. It was hard to visit Boulder and feel so normal again. I felt like Panama didn’t even exist and I could continue with my life before. But, I also kept comparing my two life experiences. Experiences from my small pueblo kept popping into my head. For me, life in the US is so much easier; the language, culture, and people are what I’ve known my whole life. A big part of me didn’t want to come back to Panama.
Nonetheless, I wanted to seek out more of my time here in my community. I feel like I’m barely starting to scratch the surface with creating relationships in my town and with students. Many teachers are on strike against the government. Some haven’t been teaching the past 22 days. When I got back, I introduced myself to an English professor intern, Baudilio, who spoke perfect english. I learned that he even studied in Oshkosh, Wisconsin for an eight-month intensive study program. He even visited Madison, WI during his time in the US! I was in shock with how our lives have intertwined. I appreciated his willingness and openness to let me help him co-teach. Last Friday was his last day of his internship, so I’m really bummed to be in the school without him.
Today, I talked with the principal and vice-principal about helping teach English but I didn’t say enough before they assumed I wanted to teach all the classes. It was brutally hard. I wanted to propose if I could stay in a classroom to help students who wanted to practice their English, do their homework, or just create a safe place. Instead, I ended up very frustrated with a class of 10th graders who kept yelling over each other and asking to leave the room, not paying attention to what I was saying. I want to work with the students that are self-motivated and want to study. Now, I will go back to the principal and tell him that I don’t want to make the classes obligatory for the students. I want to be available to those who want to be here.
This is a big challenge for me, to communicate myself. But, it’s super important that I maintain my boundaries and sanity. The last day of Baudilio’s practice, he invited me to lunch with the fellow interns and principals. I was nervous at first but then very appreciative that he invited me. I learned that a fellow intern had a Peace Corps volunteer with their family and listened to a few stories they shared together. It made me feel like what I’m doing here is bigger than myself. Some days, I feel like I’m making an impact while other days feel like a slog.
Another positive is that my host-mom came back from Boston. It’s been nice having her back and her grandson came back to visit for a few days. I appreciate the company of my host-mom. My sisters are coming to visit me in June so I’m excited to show them around.
