Wow, the past posts I’ve started with “a lot has happened” which is a good sign even when I feel like things aren’t going my way. I’ve been in Panama for almost a year to date (June 26th) and things are slowly moving along. A month ago, a woman came up to me and told me her idea of creating a youth group to involve kids in community service and activities. I was so shocked and excited that she came to me for this because it’s my exact job description and something I’ve been wanting to do but needed a counterpart, someone to work well with. So far, we’ve done a limpieza (a town cleanup) and a painting workshop. We are just beginning but Lorenis and Yitzel are great people that want to help kids and give back to the community.
I also got myself onto a women’s softball team. I have no idea how things unfolded but I’m practicing and learning the Panamanian rules of the game. Yesterday, I played three innings and got my first run in of my life! I’ve never played softball before but it’s brought out my competitive side. I put a lot of pressure on myself to play well and then I realize I’m in the middle of nowhere in a small town and overthinking my swing. It’s quite the scene when everyone is yelling at me and I have no idea what they’re telling me to do. It’s scary; it’s fun; it’s something new to do with people in my town :) it’s quickly become a personal project for me - to prove myself to this group of women that I can play and be accepted.
The year mark is exciting and also complicated. I feel very proud of the work I’ve done in my town and individually. I’m hitting the mid-service slump and feel frustrated that I still can’t see where things are going. I keep telling myself that I want to enjoy my second year, enjoy the fruits of the labor that I put in with making relationships and getting to know the people. Some days are good, like yesterday, when I’m playing softball and surrounded by many people. While other days, like today, I’m crying over having to unclog the toilet and just super emotional. It’s a unique experience and it’s something I may never be able to wrap my head around.
My sisters came to visit which was a big highlight for me. They were able to meet my host-family and the people I spend most of my time with. We hiked, ate food, and talked a lot. I’ve never had to translate so it was interesting to compare the differences in language in real time. We ended at beach for a few nights to relax and enjoy sister time together. It was very special that they got to see where I live, mi pueblo y mi gente. It was really hard to say goodbye to them, knowing that they were going home to Colorado and I was going back to my small pueblo.
While I’ve recently encountered small momentum, I’ve experienced very hard personal challenges here. Challenges, I’ve never thought I would experience. I’m very proud of myself for navigating my identity here; it’s both sides of the same coin where I’ve overcome a lot yet still have a long way to go. I want to enjoy this but it’s hard when I’m not doing much day-to-day. Things just emerge from people after days of thinking and processing my role here.
Some days I really enjoy being here while others I cry over the smallest things because it’s too much. Atlas, I’m taking each day at a time and seeing where it takes me.