Today, I attended the seniors’ high school graduation. It made me reflect on my time since high school and realize how much has happened. In the school, I usually work with the special education teacher and natural science teacher. During the strike between April and July, I was helping out with English and got to know more of the upperclass students. I see how big of an accomplishment it is for these students to graduate high school. Some were held back a year and continued to study and overcame their challenges.
In August, I co-organized a university fair and one of the universities that participated donated a full-ride scholarship and two half-ride scholarships to the top three students. I was so surprised and shocked to see some of the connections I made turn into bigger opportunities. Sometimes, every small action feels like a challenge for me. I know that not all of the students will continue their formal education in a university. A good amount will but others will find jobs locally. I always say that it’s a huge win for students to show up to school. Some students have to walk for hours to the closest bus stop rain or shine.
I’ve been feeling quite burnt out for a while. I was fortunate to have a wonderful Thanksgiving with other volunteers. It was such a nice gathering to connect and meet new people. I rely a lot on the Peace Corps community so to share a Thanksgiving was very special.
Recently, we had our annual volunteer holiday party in Cerro Punta. That, too, was a great small re-set. I love spending time with friends and having space to decompress. This year, I really took advantage of the resources at the eco-lodge with the sauna, yoga class, and gym. Last year, I was living in a lot of fear. Even surrounded by other volunteers, I felt “inferior” since I was in the newest group. I felt like I hadn’t earned my experience yet here in Panama.
What a difference one year makes. It truly feels like night and day. I feel more comfortable in my town and in Panama in general. There definitely are still the same daily challenges I have that wear me out. I’m very thankful for my host-mom as I still live with a host-family and natural challenges come with living with other people. Not having control of what I eat or who comes into the house has been hard.
My biggest challenge that I’ve struggled with is opening up to others and dealing with people’s judgements of me. In such a small town of three-thousand, everyone knows everyone. I struggle with how people stare and see everything. They also judge you no matter what. I’ve let go of that control because it’s impossible to please everyone, but there is a line of respect that has been crossed and broken several times.
I’m very excited to visit family and friends for the holidays and new year. I’m leaving my town knowing that there is more exciting work for when I return. Now, it’s time for me to rest and recharge my batteries.