The new year is upon us and 2024 was quite the year. I completed five years of college, moved to Panama, and have slowly integrated into a small town here. Lots of changes and new challenges to say the least.
Earlier this month, we had a holiday party for volunteers. This was a nice get together to meet new faces and learn about the different projects volunteers are working on. A group of us went on a cloud forest hike and crossed a river a few times. We also enjoyed playing Family Feud, ping-pong, and volleyball.
My host-mom left to visit her daughter in Boston. She will be gone for up to six months. This is very rare for Panamanians to have family in the US but my town has a handful of family members in the states. Especially with the holidays, it’s been hard to adjust to living without my host-mom in the house. I now cook for myself which is quite the challenge. I realized that I bought a lot of pre-cooked meals in college and just had to turn on the oven to heat it up. I’ve been asking friends and family for recipes; I recently cooked a vegetable curry which was good. But at last, I’m searching for more inspiration online.
I’ve always been one to journal, let out my thoughts, and do my best to reflect on what I’ve experienced. Being in Panama has shifted my mindset on most things in life. I question a lot of my purpose for being here. The people don’t need saving and that’s not what I’m here to do. The goal of the Peace Corps is to learn the ideas and dreams of the community to then work together to achieve them. I know I’m jumping ahead of myself, but that’s where my mind goes. I’m a problem solver and I like to think of solutions at the moment. But, things here just work differently. I repeatedly tell myself that things will unfold themselves in their own time (much easier said than done).
I’m very grateful for my host-family, specifically my host-mom. She has taken me in and really looked after me. I’ve learned to make hand-made tamales, bollos, and overall have enjoyed her company. After three months of living with a host-family, most volunteers move out into their own homes, but I’ve chosen to live with my host-family for two years. To me, it’s most comfortable if I’m close to people. I do sacrifice less privacy and less control of who passes through the house, but it feels more familiar to me than living on my own. It’s not easy being here. The biggest challenges I have are with myself, with being patient with myself, being kind to myself, and honoring my needs.
As for my New Year's resolutions, I think I want to stay with the basics: continue to strengthen relationships in my community, be consistent with taking care of myself, and be open to surprises. I’m someone who wants all the answers now and that’s just not how life works. Being here is a good reminder that I get to make my experience here. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone is a daily activity. No matter how uncomfortable and awkward I feel, I want to believe I’m making a positive impact.